Double Deceit
by drhowzgurl
Summary: A few weeks after being together, House convinces Cuddy to take a pregnancy test. What happens after House blabs to Wilson about it? Chapter 3 up now!
1. Chapter 1

"Your late."

Cuddy stared at House, who had been standing at her office door without her taking notice. "You're early," she responded.

"I didn't realize I'm not due in until two minutes from now, thank you for pointing that out." He glanced at her desk. "I was referring to that pack of Midol under that pile of papers. Seems like it hasn't been touched all month. Just like the papers on top of it."

Cuddy's eyes filled with anger. Anger, combined with a slight tinge of fear.

"It is possible to have a painless period," she stated.

"The box of tampons in your drawer is still full."

House walked to Cuddy's desk and pulled a drawer open with his cane. Indeed, a box of tampons was inside, and only a few were missing. "Same as last month. Unless you tell me you got a DivaCup, I'll take that as a sign of a missed period."

"You looked through my drawers for my tampons?! Since when is my period any of your business?!" Cuddy yelled, slamming the drawer closed.

"I've always made it my business. But then, three weeks ago…"

"Five days late does not mean I'm pregnant, House." Cuddy interrupted.

"No, but it's a possible symptom. And you know I'd love to be a daddy," he said, sarcasm obvious in his voice.

"I am not pregnant. Go work now, and get out of my office."

House's presence persisted. "Why don't you take a test and find out before you make such a definite statement? Does it worry you that I could be the dad of your long-awaited child?"

Cuddy stared at House, exasperated. "I am perfectly capable of raising a child on my own. I don't need your help."

"Well, why not take a test?"

She sighed. "I'll take one if you go away and double your clinic hours this week."

"Are you mixing work with your personal life?" He faked being in shock, and finally said, "Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

"Positive," Cuddy said monotonously as House entered her office around 2 in the afternoon.

"Oh. _Crap_," he said in an outburst of sincerity. He had been expecting this result, but he certainly hadn't been hoping for it.

"And I'm keeping it. If you don't want it, fine by me," Cuddy stared sternly at House as she said this.

"Of course you are. It'll make you feel really warm inside when the little shit machine finally says "mommy", won't it?" He paused. "Let me know what the sonogram says a few months from now."

"But I thought…"

"Look, it's my goddamned child, isn't it? I'd like to know what the hell is going on with it."

Cuddy was surprised and concerned that House seemed to care, even if he wasn't being very nice about it. "Fine," she said with a sigh. "One more thing," she added. "Don't go blabbing to everyone you know that I'm pregnant, and don't you dare tell them you're the father."

"Oh, so you're not gonna get fat and bitchy, and no one will ever know!" He gave her the most ridiculous smile Greg House was capable of. "Good thinking!"

"Can't you understand? I'm going to get enough crap without you letting anything slip!" Cuddy had stood up from her desk, and her stressed voice was growing into a yell.

"And why do you think I'd want to tell the nurses at the clinic about it?" he asked.

"I don't. But you'd tell someone, like Wilson! And then _he_ won't be able to keep his mouth shut! Same with your team!" Cuddy's anger had grown like a wildfire.

"Wow, you've only been pregnant for a few weeks and I already wish you were PMS instead," House said, so calmly that Cuddy was not able to respond in her rage. "I won't tell."

He left Cuddy's office, and made his way to Wilson's.

He did not knock on the door. He found Wilson alone, looking through a patient's file.

"What do you want now?" Wilson asked, annoyed by House's intrusion.

"Cuddy's pregnant."

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Chapter 2! Let me know how I'm doing! I know I'm starting a bit slow, hopefully I will pick up the pace after this chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

Wilson stared at House, a trivial smile on the very corner of his mouth.

"Oh, wow, now, _really_?" The sarcasm was obvious in his voice, and he was twisteing a paper clip around his fingers.

House seemed displeased by Wilson's reaction. He was not taking him seriously. That, or he knew.

_He can't know_, House told himself. _Cuddy just found out herself_.

"What?" he barely managed to ask.

"I already knew it," he smiled plainly.

"And I don't believe you," House said as he planted his rear beside a cancer patient's newest lab results. "Looks like your newest girlfriend is about to die. That must suck."

"She's 13. She has a very advanced lymphoma and she just found out. Her dad died last week in a car accident, and now I haveto brake it to her mom that she will be very alone in just a few months."

"Who, Cuddy? That's funny she didn't have anything three sweet weeks ago. Lymphoma _or_ clothes." House's face looked pleased, macho.

"You _slept_ with Cuddy?" Wlson's face grew wide-eyed and enraged. And his body quivered in the slightest way.

"Of course! Got her knocked up too!" He smiled at Wilson and laughed at his pain. "Jealous?"

"Cuddy came to me, right after she got that test! She's… pretty sure I'm the father. _Jealous_?"

"You are not the goddamned father! I had sex with her! I told her to take that damned test, and she just told me it's positive! _I knocked her up_!" To his own surprise, House's rage was growing. He did not believe he wanted a child, but what about now? He felt strangely jealous and possessive of this child that might not even be his… but Wilson's!

"Well, obviously, if she hadn't thought it was _my _child, why would she have come to me first?" He stood from his chair to face House, who was still sitting next to the cancer girl's lab.

"Because you have a father face. But I'm sure this child is mine. The most fertile day of her cycle, her hormones were on a high. And she was unbelievable!" House stood up and faced Wilson, the pleasure of the flashback showing in his voice.

"Right. You're a bastard. Even if you were the father, you'd only screw up Cuddy's child on the inside. And she realizes this. She doesn't want you!" Wilson's declaration climaxed with this statement. "And by the way, that wasn't my first time with Cuddy. But she was _exceptionally_ good that day. Coincidence?"

"I got to her first," House said. "Empty clinic, 2 pm. Couldn't keep her hormones under control."

"Her bed, 7 am. I spent the night. I wonder who's jealous now."

"Well, that still does not determine whose child it is! It does, however, determine that you did not please her!" House said loudly.

"Shut the hell up already! Even if it's your biological child, Cuddy wants _me _ to be the father!"

"Ahem."

The sound of a clearing throat behind them.

House and Wilson turned around simultaneously to find that the door was open, and Foreman and Chase were standing at it.

"You guys are debating who knocked Cuddy up? Truly amazing." Chase's Australian voice rang with amazement.

"None of your business!' House closed the door on their faces.

Meditating, he opened it again, and Foreman and Chase looked confused.

His face was now serious and sacredly concerned.

"Don't tell Cameron. Or else."


End file.
